A View From The Backseat

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on April 3, 2013 by jeenada2

What you know, you might not realize and what you realize you definitely know. The transition from knowing to realizing is a process we call life. A powerful word that summarizes everything between birth and death. We as humans have a tendency of generalizing things. But isn’t that unfair?  Since the day we are born we are taught the ‘rules of life’, hence we struggle to ‘do the dos’ for as long as we live. But our experiences are not the same, our situations are not the same and what we learn from our actions (our realizations) that form the backbone of our character and personality are not the same. Then how is it fair to compare or compete with another life?

We are all a part of a big rat race, where everyone is trying to leave the others behind. It probably makes perfect sense in this materialistic world. But I often wonder, all this competition is based on what? On what grounds are we measuring one’s capabilities? Doesn’t it feel all superficial? And what about the ones who are left behind in the race? These thoughts haunt me, probably because I too have a long way to catch up with the rest of the world.

This comes from a backbencher. Honestly, these words have been playing in my mind for a very longtime, but until now I could never come to terms with it. I felt I’d be a looser to call myself a backbencher. But I tell you what, I feel a sense of relief in me. And now that I think about it, it’s been a wonderful experience to have come so far being who I am.

You can’t judge a fish by how fast it climbs a tree. Every person is a genius, provided you find the genius self in you. Well, I am not an expert; I am just talking from my experiences so far. I have spent too much time trying to be in the game. Only if I’d have spent some time trying to understand what I am really good at, I’d have had it all figured out by now. So yes, I don’t have it all figured out yet. But what’s the hurry? Who sets my deadline? NO ONE!

Someone once told me, “there are things you need to do for the things you want to do”. And these words keep me going, only that I don’t know what I really want to do just yet. But I am certain I’ll get there someday, till then let’s just enjoy the freeway ride.

 

 

The Bygone Years

Posted in Uncategorized on January 4, 2011 by jeenada2

Just a few years, yet feels like an era

I’m standing where I was, but nothing I see is familiar

It is hard to accept but this is how it is

Nothing that I dislike, yet I want to go back in time

The time when daddy’s pat was enough to reassure

When a few candies were enough to make me smile…

But change, the most inevitable thing in the world

Always takes away the most precious years

A desire deep inside my heart

To relive the years that have passed

I want to be a child again

When you are the closest to God

Pure heart and simple thoughts

Things come easy…don’t have much to worry for

But today I stand amongst the maddening crowd

Everything around looks crazy and unfamiliar

A million faces not one of my own

Same for everyone, but different for me

Should I be happy to be different or sad to be me?

Too many thoughts, too many dreams

Too many desires, too many hopes…

There are questions I want life to answer

There are questions that life throws back at me

Not for one I have an answer

Not one life has answered me

Life is just a riddle,

We solve as we go along

Hope I figure it out before its time.

The Way I’m…

Posted in Uncategorized on December 6, 2010 by jeenada2

A small town girl in a big wide world! So many things on my mind…so many things to be taken care of. Life’s been a roller coaster ride, but never imagined it gets worse with every twist and turn. There is a fear deep inside my heart, to lose myself to the unknown world. Am I strong enough to conquer my fears or should I just let go? But letting go is not me…am I not better than that? I sure am! Very assuring it sounds, but my belief in me trembles from time to time. It is a constant conscious effort; to keep myself strong but the day I break down I know there is no coming back.

How I wish I could drift away to a distant place, where life would be the same as it used to be. A life filled with fun and games, never had to worry of what tomorrow has in store. Today it seems like a fairytale; a dream I wish I never came out from.

Wind hitting my face, side-walks passing beneath my bike, a 5 year old’s first take of what freedom’s really like. Daddy holding my bike at the back to save me from a fall and then I cry out…’you can let go now daddy, I can do it on my own’. The moment he left, I had a bad fall. Ma came running, held me tight in her arms, carried me to the bed and sat next to me till I cried myself to sleep, embraced in her arms. A dream… just a dream…

The reality hit me hard as I saw myself holding the same body in my arms; lifeless, cold and still as a stone. Trying to feel the warmth as I did. A futile effort, as she was gone…gone too soon and everything came crashing down.

We were trying hard to move on. Daddy and I soon made a world of our own but not for too long. This time the reality struck harder. The nurse called to say, he probably won’t make it through the night. I ran to see the strongest man I ever knew wasting away to nothing in that hospital room. I knew he was fighting for me. My voice and heart cracked as I crawled up next to him and said, ‘You can let go now daddy, you can let go… your little girl’s now ready to do it on her own’.

There started the real world very different from what I had known for so long…

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