The Bygone Years

Just a few years, yet feels like an era

I’m standing where I was, but nothing I see is familiar

It is hard to accept but this is how it is

Nothing that I dislike, yet I want to go back in time

The time when daddy’s pat was enough to reassure

When a few candies were enough to make me smile…

But change, the most inevitable thing in the world

Always takes away the most precious years

A desire deep inside my heart

To relive the years that have passed

I want to be a child again

When you are the closest to God

Pure heart and simple thoughts

Things come easy…don’t have much to worry for

But today I stand amongst the maddening crowd

Everything around looks crazy and unfamiliar

A million faces not one of my own

Same for everyone, but different for me

Should I be happy to be different or sad to be me?

Too many thoughts, too many dreams

Too many desires, too many hopes…

There are questions I want life to answer

There are questions that life throws back at me

Not for one I have an answer

Not one life has answered me

Life is just a riddle,

We solve as we go along

Hope I figure it out before its time.

The Way I’m…

A small town girl in a big wide world! So many things on my mind…so many things to be taken care of. Life’s been a roller coaster ride, but never imagined it gets worse with every twist and turn. There is a fear deep inside my heart, to lose myself to the unknown world. Am I strong enough to conquer my fears or should I just let go? But letting go is not me…am I not better than that? I sure am! Very assuring it sounds, but my belief in me trembles from time to time. It is a constant conscious effort; to keep myself strong but the day I break down I know there is no coming back.

How I wish I could drift away to a distant place, where life would be the same as it used to be. A life filled with fun and games, never had to worry of what tomorrow has in store. Today it seems like a fairytale; a dream I wish I never came out from.

Wind hitting my face, side-walks passing beneath my bike, a 5 year old’s first take of what freedom’s really like. Daddy holding my bike at the back to save me from a fall and then I cry out…’you can let go now daddy, I can do it on my own’. The moment he left, I had a bad fall. Ma came running, held me tight in her arms, carried me to the bed and sat next to me till I cried myself to sleep, embraced in her arms. A dream… just a dream…

The reality hit me hard as I saw myself holding the same body in my arms; lifeless, cold and still as a stone. Trying to feel the warmth as I did. A futile effort, as she was gone…gone too soon and everything came crashing down.

We were trying hard to move on. Daddy and I soon made a world of our own but not for too long. This time the reality struck harder. The nurse called to say, he probably won’t make it through the night. I ran to see the strongest man I ever knew wasting away to nothing in that hospital room. I knew he was fighting for me. My voice and heart cracked as I crawled up next to him and said, ‘You can let go now daddy, you can let go… your little girl’s now ready to do it on her own’.

There started the real world very different from what I had known for so long…